Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's top comedians spent their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, dubbed the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new plan which allows international nationals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. An official website guarantees processing "in record time."

"One thought for you to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.