These Phrases given by A Parent That Rescued Me as a New Dad

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider inability to open up among men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."